Friday, February 25, 2005

Death day

Just to say, 9 years ago today my Mum died, of Alzheimer's. Dad reminded me on the phone last night. We joked, as you do when subjects are a bit close to your heart, about the possibility of "celebrating" death days as we do birthdays. Of course there is no one there to receive a card (cheaper already). At least we can have them in our thoughts for a day so, for the next 24 hours, that's what I'm doing.

Speaking of attitudes to death, I'll quote a little extract from one of my favourite books, by Chuang Tzu, a fuller extract of which is here

Chuang Tzu's wife died. When Hui Tzu went to convey his condolences, he found Chuang Tzu sitting with his legs sprawled out, pounding on a tub and singing. "You lived with her, she brought up your children and grew old," said Hui Tzu. "It should be enough simply not to weep at her death. But pounding on a tub and singing - this is going too far, isn't it?"

Chuang Tzu said, "You're wrong. When she first died, do you think I didn't grieve like anyone else? But I looked back to her beginning and the time before she was born. Not only the time before she was born, but the time before she had a body. Not only the time before she had a body, but the time before she had a spirit. In the midst of the jumble of wonder and mystery a change took place and she had a spirit. Another change and she had a body. Another change and she was born. Now there's been another change and she's dead. It's just like the progression of the four seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter.

Now she's going to lie down peacefully in a vast room. If I were to follow after her bawling and sobbing, it would show that I don't understand anything about fate. So I stopped."

Adding stuff

I'm just editing my template, adding a few links in to my other site pages. The blog is now my home page. No longer "Unkewl" George (thanks Samantha), the new dynamic web me has evolved.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Do I care?

Penrich says he could have finished my kitchen in half the time.

Well, sod him, so could I!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Short and sweet

The shorter the better. In most cases, I like it long though, it gets the juices flowing. That's why novels appeal I suppose. Yet epic poems are not my style, either. Someone is moving upstairs, Oh, it's Dad, taking his cough to the loo. Must get a house with 2 bathrooms next time, or at least toilets. Next time? That whole reincarnation thang again...

Perfectly good day

To paraphrase a famous comic, I have had a perfectly good day.

This just wasn't it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Getting back

Been away for a few days, MSN land (usually I work on AOL Broadband) and for some reason (‘cos it’s free), you can’t log onto MSN during school holidays. Well, I tried. That’s not an excuse not to blog, but it let me do other things. There was family stuff going on and fixing up Brian’s scanner, that’s no excuse and I seriously wanted to blog. Then again I was doing other things as I said, mainly thinking of ideas for my piece for the writer’s group (Write Now! – Bury St Edmunds). It’s a ‘sexy short’ theme up to 1200 words. My final effort is a kind of seaside postcard theme, Large Chest For Sale. We had the meeting last night after I got back from MSN land, they laughed in a few spots, innuendo being what it is, and a titter is all I should expect from the postcard theme.

Still no developments in the search for Dawn’s murderer. I know it’s only been a few days but you expect (read hope) that the police would have dug something up by now. I don’t want it to just settle into one of those crimes that never gets solved. Bad for the town, bad for Dawn, bad for the local people scared to go out alone. Let’s have an answer soon.

Haven’t seen Ron so can’t let you know about that scenario. On holiday for a whole week away from Apple Macs, workflows, archiving and who knows what other shit will happen. Dad’s coming up from London today, need to buy some gerbils for Olivia’s birthday (strange substitute for cake!), sort my tiny pond out, and so on.

In case you want to know:

  • MSN is Microsoft Network
  • MSN land is Abingdon, nr. Oxford where my wife’s parents live.
  • Brian is my father-in-law
  • Arsenal 5 Crystal Palace 1

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Shit happens, but this is bad

Nothing much to be happy about recently. Weather OK, I'm doing my chores, not enough writing, but there's some serious stuff going on. First there's the thing with Ronnie, gets you thinking (gave Bev a big hug and told her, you know, those three words). Now, there's been a murder in the town. Not only that, unthinkable in these parts, sleepy Suffolk, possibly the safest place in the world, but the lady in question worked at the same firm as me. In short, I knew her. Now that makes you feel bad. First, she was a missing person. You're thinking, sometime she is going to show up. Then, a body is found, it's her, now it looks like she was attacked at a local beauty spot, out running. She was quiet, thoughtful, mad on fitness, diet, good at her job, but now she's dead.

No-one really knows what happened, and 'though I believe that there is an afterlife, that the soul leaves the body and rejoins whatever deity is responsible for this sad, sick but occasionally joyous world, I just can't stop thinking about death, and poor Dawn's murder, and wondering how it can be that someone who you used to say hello to is suddenly not there anymore. I have known people die before; Mum, my Grandparents for example, but it was expected. Sad, but expected. This sudden stuff is just too much to take. My heart goes out to all who knew her and I'm going to dedicate a poem to her, when the emotion has worked through enough to let me see more clearly. And I hope they find out what happened to her, who was responsible for this tragedy, soon.

Rest in peace.

Friday, February 04, 2005

This one's for Ron,

Firstly, it's never easy when your world is suddenly turned upside down and you are shat on from a great height. Like Ronnie, whose long relationship with Liz is currently teetering on the brink. When it happens, and it will sometime happen, you can look on it either as a challenge or a defeat, 'though it'll just seem defeat for a long long time. I don't know Liz, except by the mostly complementary things that Ron has said about her over the years, but I get the impression of a kind, fun, conscientious lady who likes buying from catalogues. Oh, and cats (not buying from cats, but liking cats). Which makes it harder to understand why she has left the cats, catalogues and Ron behind. Moved out, gone to live in suitcase land with a friend, Caroline. There's someone else involved, of course, there always is, who has created the same chaos in his own house as currently exists in Ron's. But that's what we do; in the end material things, comfort, pets don't cut much when for whatever reason we cut loose. Midlife crisis? Too easy. Out of love? Stifled? Mental case? Probably. We're all mental cases, looking around for judgments, satisfaction, some purpose when we feel that life is slipping by. I blame work; without it the tensions just don't appear. As couples we spent too much time apart. Then again, sometimes we spend too much time together! Of course Liz's 'new' man works with her, as does her friend. Whatever they have shared they share as workers, but now she enters a world where she can't get away from the everyday. It's there with her friends, her co-workers as they sit round the TV in the alien environment they have created for themselves.

I feel for them.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

It's true

It's me. For a while I thought it wasn't, then I built up a scenario in my head of how Penrich was going to supercede me, Penrich was going to slip into my mind and overhaul all the delicate feelings, emotions and fine tuning I'd built up over the years (told you it was late in that last blog). Well, turns out it was me all along! What about that, seems I've been writing poetry, novels, even sending stuff off to be churned by the rejection mill, for years. I always suspected it. Times I've woken up, slumped over the dining table, pen in hand and a few pages of semi-erotic prose under my head. On these occasions it's all I can do to drag myself out to work. There, the illusion vanishes; I am alone with Macs, PCs and print problems, the whole meaning of the day has gone.
So, it's me, and I'm going to sign myself with pride, not worry about how it will look when I come out from behind the mask of my alter ego and declare myself at one with him!

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Who is this?

I've told you about Penrich. The truth is even stranger; he woke me up in the middle of the night, forcing things into my head, strange thoughts, I s'pose you could call them thoughts. I couldn't sleep after that, then I knew I had to do something about it. Why fight him, when I want to be like him? Perhaps I will let him into my life, slowly (I don't want him to get too bigheaded).